carpe noctem

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 19:29:53 -0500

Everyone: Are you okay
Everyone: You look tired
Everyone: You look upset
Everyone: You look confused
Everyone: Are you mad at me
Everyone: What are you mad at
Me: IT'S MY FACE

i hate being hated by people i don’t know especially since none of them knew what i was trying...

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 18:33:05 -0500

i hate being hated by people i don’t know especially since none of them knew what i was trying to say and they all assumed i meant his friends didn’t care about him

it’s sad because i am extremely affected by suicide and i was really upset to hear that another person in our community thought they had to resort to that. it’s a tragedy. it’s always a tragedy. clearly everyone cared a lot about this boy. i just dislike how much social media is used after something like this happens, ya know?

i can see them disliking me because it was in bad taste and wayyyyy too soon for me to post something like that

but they hate me because they think i meant something that i didn’t

which makes it all just way worse. i shouldn’t have posted it, but everyone’s closed their minds now. it’s too late.

oh and if a single person bitches at me for blogging my thoughts you can just go away

i can’t stand this town. everyone is stupid. i saw a girls status on facebook that said...

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 17:58:00 -0500

i can’t stand this town. everyone is stupid.

i saw a girls status on facebook that said something along the lines of “wish i knew when people were sad, id help them before it was too late!” and this same girl constantly bullies people both online and in person, and i’ve seen her tell more than one person to kill themselves so of course, i got angry.

so i posted a status about hypocrites and how people say they care after someone is dead but if that person needed help during life they wouldn’t have cared. and EVERYONE misinterpreted it. literally i got about 10 different messages from his friends who all for SOME reason thought that i meant that nobody cared about him at all until he died. WHICH IS NOT WHAT I MEANT. if anyone thinks that i’m THAT horrible of a person, they’re a fucking idiot and have obviously never met me.

so yeah. a friend of his who bullied me constantly in elementary school and my friend in high school decided to get in on it. of course, she did not understand and although i laid it out for her very clearly i don’t think she could ever understand because she is too blind with grief and only hears what she wants to hear. another couple of friends messaged me and after i explained they seemed to understand and apologized for freaking out at me. however, two people sent me messages saying that i should die for what i said. this is what i found seriously fucked up and this is why i say that people don’t care. yes, they cared about their friend, but clearly they wouldn’t care about someone they didn’t know seeing as they TOLD me to die. this is why i made the status in the first place. this is why i hate people so much. because they do things like this.

anyways. shit kinda blew up. people just did not want to understand what i was saying. one of the shittier parts was that a lot of people were just “liking” the really harsh posts instead of saying anything to me, which is just as bad as bystanders are with bullying. that’s the worst part of bullying is the people who gang up together and stand behind the meanest of the people. i didn’t actually know the guy but i don’t know how he could surround himself with people like that and i really hope that it was only because they were so full of grief that they got so outrageously upset at me.

another thing i found pretty funny is how it is really NO secret that i’m depressed. i’ve been depressed for ages. i’ve contemplated killing myself more times than you can ever imagine and have wanted to die even more often. nobody asks me if i’m okay. nobody does anything unless i try extremely hard to get them to help. and those are my FRIENDS, let alone people i don’t know (like the people making statuses that will go back to bullying in 2 weeks) but if i had messaged ANY of the people who messaged me and said “hey, i’m really depressed and i just need someone to talk to” NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM WOULD GIVE A FLYING FUCK. AND THIS IS MY POINT EXACTLY. that is the reason i made the status.

i could die tomorrow and they’d all say it was a horrible, horrible tragedy.

HA HA HA, wanna hear something else that’s fucking gold? three of the people who messaged me turned very kind and soft when i told them that i’ve wanted to die for ages. i could have kept it to myself and they would have stayed bitching at me, but the problem would have stayed the same, my inner feelings wouldnt have changed. its just because they finally knew that they decided to be nice, which makes me hate this world even more.

rest in peace, steve. i know that i did not know you. i’m sorry to upset those who are so close to you. i wish you had looked for the help you needed because it would have been there.

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Thu, 31 Jan 2013 23:13:27 -0500

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Thu, 31 Jan 2013 23:11:04 -0500

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Thu, 31 Jan 2013 23:08:35 -0500

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Thu, 31 Jan 2013 23:07:48 -0500

cockringtoss: girls need to stop complaining about their periods… ur just bleeding because u don’t...

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:55:49 -0500

cockringtoss:

girls need to stop complaining about their periods… ur just bleeding because u don’t floss

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:59:05 -0500

i love you, too.

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 19:11:03 -0500

i love you, too.

sweet innocence

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 19:09:00 -0500

sweet innocence

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Wed, 30 Jan 2013 17:19:45 -0500

I’m not sure if this massive crown sticking out the top of my phone is totally adorable or...

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 15:39:52 -0500

I’m not sure if this massive crown sticking out the top of my phone is totally adorable or totally tacky xoxo

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Wed, 30 Jan 2013 10:58:38 -0500

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Wed, 30 Jan 2013 08:25:04 -0500

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Wed, 30 Jan 2013 08:25:02 -0500

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Wed, 30 Jan 2013 08:23:00 -0500

pizzzatime: finaspark:

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 21:31:54 -0500

pizzzatime:

finaspark:

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Tue, 29 Jan 2013 21:30:10 -0500

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Tue, 29 Jan 2013 21:30:00 -0500